If you’re a woman, it’s not surprising to be told to “calm down.” I’ve heard it my whole life.“You’re a crybaby,” “You’re being a bitch,” “Are you on your period?” It’s been a constant struggle and makes me wonder if my emotions are too much.
However, growing up with a brother — the expression of our emotions has always been treated differently. When he got angry, he was always “being a man.” Or when he cried it was a good thing because he was “allowing himself to express his emotions.” But whenever I did, it was immediately a problem. I couldn’t cry or get angry without it becoming a bigger issue that turned the whole house against me.
It’s not just an issue among my family, but I’ve seen it countless times outside of that scope as well. It is a problem whenever a woman is emotional or not in the best mood.
I’ve seen it at work, school and extracurriculars. At work — when a male coworker is rude to a customer — it’s always excused and written off as them just being “a boy.” But whenever I’ve accidentally had a tone with a customer it’s gotten me written up.
It’s been a double standard in place for decades, and I’m still not feeling like it’s been resolved — I feel it’s getting worse.
Men’s actions and emotions are always excused and written off as subjects of their nature. It’s the same thing for women. It’s common to hear someone tell a man he’s “acting like a woman.” Why is the expression of emotion centered around stereotypes about gender — and why is it a problem to “cry like a girl?”
Men are allowed to feel what they want and be angry at the world without being looked at twice. But when I’m angry, I’m now the raging bitch of the century. Or when I ask someone to do something at work I’m now “bossy.” When a male coworker does the same he’s just “taking charge.”
It’s the same thing with maturity levels. A man is able to take all the time in the world to find himself and be as immature as he wants until he’s in his late thirties. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve been told by women and men that “men take so much longer to mature than women.”
But why is it allowed for men to be this way, but not for women?
When a woman is still figuring out her career or her relationship status, it is always frowned upon. People are always “so sorry” to hear that when parents mention it to friends or family when it’s regarding their daughter — but for the son, it’s the opposite.
“Well — he’s still so young,” “He has so much time,” “That’s how boys are.”
I’ve seen it in my own life. My brother had no plan regarding his future, he’s hopped from job to job and hasn’t held one for longer than a year, but he’s never been questioned. However, when the focus was on me, I was expected to go to college immediately, have a job, and have this deeply articulated plan for my whole future.
I’ve seen it with aunts and uncles, with my aunts being looked down upon for having to move back home after a divorce, or not having a steady job. But my uncles were allowed home, sympathized with for having failed relationships, and never once ridiculed for losing a job.
It’s incredibly frustrating to see and I can’t grasp my head around it because I feel that I see it every day. Men are going to be let off easy for the things they do or the choices they make because — at the end of the day — they’re “boys.”
I feel that women are always going to be ridiculed for doing the same things that men do because women are held to a higher standard. It stems from patriarchal expectations of women spanning generations. While women contribute to misogynistic expectations like these, I feel they’ve been conditioned to think this way due to generational trauma.
