What is a toxic friendship? And how does it work? Mind you, falling out with a friend doesn’t mean that it’s a horrible friendship. Similar to relationships, it’s consistently negative and detrimental to one’s emotional and sometimes even physical well-being. However, there are always signs as to how to spot a toxic relationship. And most of the time, these hints in a friendship can be obvious just, never wanted to be talked about before. Also, just because some friends fight doesn’t mean that they are bad friends as long as they don’t take it a step further. Here are some ways to know that someone isn’t truly a friend.
Gossiping, casual or “behind closed doors” conversation or reports about others, which involves details that aren’t always true. There’s a reason why another word that is a synonym to this one is tattling rumors. Sometimes friends enjoy gossiping about others, although, usually for a good reason. For example, a former friend who hurt many others might be a topic talked about. Although, if someone starts talking about another person who didn’t do anything bad in the first place, then that’s when it’s a red flag. A real friend wouldn’t go behind someone’s back and start talking smack. Instead, when smack is addressed, they would tell the person saying it, to knock it off. If a friend is gossiping about you, they aren’t a true friend. Especially, if they are talking about things to others you told them in confidence that was never to shed the light of day to others. For example, home life, past relationships, personal things, etc. This can lead to disrespecting boundaries.
Disrespecting boundaries, an invisible line that if overstepped, should have a red flag. In most friendships, boundaries are talked about. Something that makes a “fake” friend is the fact that if they know a boundary is set and continue to cross it, then they aren’t a true friend. For example, gossiping, it’s an undisclosed boundary but, still shouldn’t be talked about with others. A way to deal with this is by going to the “friend” and talking to them one-on-one about how you don’t respect them for telling others about personal things. If they react by saying they didn’t although, they are the only ones you told about said personal things, then they are manipulating.
Manipulation is the action of guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or influencing behaviors. If the person decides that they aren’t going to be held accountable, cut all ties immediately. A true friend wouldn’t switch on you. Although these are the main issues that are usually seen in really toxic relationships, sometimes it’s a lot more sneakier than that.
Jealousy, lack of support, pointing out your insecurities, completely draining you emotionally, and even selfishness and behavioral changes can be signs of toxic friendships. If one day a friend is super nice to you and the next is rude, they aren’t considered a friend to begin with. That’s when distance is healthier and if they can’t respect you giving distance, then they are overstepping a boundary and a conversation needs to take place. If when confiding in a friend they are jealous when you talk to other friends, want most of your attention, and when telling them things you trust them in they don’t show support, it’s time to look for new friends. Especially when the fake one is pointing out things you can’t control such as acne, the way your face looks, or other insecurities including weight. If they drain you from every conversation, they are not worth your time and you deserve better people to involve yourself with. At the end of the day, mental health is the most important thing, and if you’re wasting time on the losers, your never going to find a winner.
